I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
