if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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