I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
