i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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