this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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