I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
