Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
