I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
