Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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