I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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