apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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