If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
