even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
