lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize