You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
