I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
