I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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