I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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