one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
