so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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