I think im going to throw up on grandma
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
