So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
