nut hugger
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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