susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
