I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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