apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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