It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
