fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
