u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
