Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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