No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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