i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
