it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
