Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If that was your dad, he is hot
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
