I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
