elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
