That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
