My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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