I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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