Whoa Z and x make the same sound
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
