I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
