Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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