I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
