I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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