I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
