i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
