My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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