I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
