Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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