God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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