Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
