fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
