the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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