I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
vagina is talking i cant
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
