he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
