i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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